Ms. Jillian Michaels

So, having embarked on this venture for [I hope] last time I feel pumped, ready and powerful.

And so you can imagine my excitement when I stumbled upon the book, Making The Cut by Jillian Michaels [bad-ass Biggest Loser trainer]. She vows if you are fit and have less than 20 pounds to lose you can achieve a smoking body in 30 days. Here we go, yes indeed.

I bought it and am on day three of putting it to the test [already I'm exhausted].

No cheat days.

No alcohol.

This is exactly what I need[exclamation mark! exclamation mark!].

According to her plan, I am a "balanced oxidizer" and my diet should consist of:
30% Protein
30% Fat and
40% Carbohydrates

Let's see how I measure up today [today being two days ago - again with the restructuring].

Scrambled egg - 100 [100 - P]
Whole Wheat Cinnamon Raisin Bread with Low-fat Cream Cheese - 90 [70 - C] [20 - P]
Coffee with sugar and vanilla soy milk - 150 [70 - P] [80 - F]
Tangerine - 30 [30 - C]
Chocolate-Covered Frozen Banana - 130 [80 - C] [50 - F]
Taco Bell Steak Supreme Chalupa - 380 [207 - C] [120 - F] [56 - P]
Starbucks Short Non-fat Mocha - 112 [11- F] [85 - C] [27 - P]
Black and White Cookie - 120 [80 - C] [40 - F]
1/2 Ham Sandwich with Cheddar, Lettuce, Tomato, and Onion - 250 [130 - C] [100 - P] [20 - F]
Blackberries - 20 [20 - C]

Total - 1382
Carbs - 702 [ideal - 552]
Protein - 353 [ideal - 414]
Fat - 321 [ideal - 414]

I didn't realize I ate so many carbs today. Hmm. Better luck tomorrow.

Editor's Note: The following morning I would go on to discover a little bit of weight loss. So, as it turns out those carbs didn't hurt me all that much.

Día Uno [a-freaking-gain]

Hi.

I don't know if that's the correct way to say "day one" in Spanish. And I didn't look it up because I couldn't think of another way to begin this blog.

Let's get this out of the way.

Intake for Friday March 7th [3 months to the day - ahhhhhh!]:

One large brown egg with a little bit of buttermilk - 150
Whole-wheat cinnamon raisin bread [the end piece] with low-fat cream cheese - 70
Coffee - 70
A few strawberries and blackberries - 20
One turkey sandwich on a mini whole-wheat bagel with handmade mozzarella, spinach, tomato, and a tiny bit of onion with miracle whip and Dijon mustard -220
A small oatmeal raisin cookie - 100
One chip with Mexican dip - 50
Coffee - 50
Spicy California roll sushi [8 pieces] with aioli sauce - 320
Raspberries - 20
Two bites of Sadie's soft pretzel - 50
7 bites of a radial cake [fantastic treat from the Dutch market] - 200

Equals = 1320

Not bad. Not bad at all. I was aiming for 1050, as you know, but I think this is a good start.

I woke up this morning and consumed some hot lemon water [which I actually like]. Then I pilated my way to my morning coffee. Later in the evening I finished my daily workout with a fairly intense Zumba class.

I'm feeling pretty optimistic. I really think I can do this. I guess that's a good way to start out this whole thing. Oh, by the way, I decided to start today(;

And so one big Yay God [for mental mindset, willpower and focus]!

Woohoo.

Brutally Honest Confession

Hastily written after a nasty bout of Hindsight, this is some of my "workings on."


I just wanted to add this. I think the main issue is my relationship with food. I abuse it. I practice gluttony and greed. Then I try to control everything. I have some food addictions that need to be dealt with. I'll go into more detail later, but it just crossed my mind and I wanted to get it out while it was fresh in my head.

Getting My Mind Right

Editor's Note: A second [unnecessary] attempt to explain myself. Written in the month of Love 2008.

I'm going to have one more go at this [I think]. Bear with me [or bare with me, if you really want to get crazy].

I'm not there [my whiny voice].

I'm so conflicted. I'm fit. I want to enjoy this time. And the dress fits [and looks great]. I know, we've had this discussion. Why would I want to lose anymore weight [J says it's not about the number and I know it's not, but that's the best way I know to judge my progress]?

And there are many more important things than losing the last ten pounds [in my life and in the world]. I have had serious thoughts of truly throwing in the towel. But see, that's the thing - I wouldn't be ceasing to lose in order to better myself, I would be giving up. There are plenty of legitimate reasons for not continuing towards my goal weight but they are not my reasons.

Okay, so blah blah blah. I'll stop explaining myself.

I really want to do this. I'm so freaking close. There is something that can be good and pure about finishing something you started. And I'm convinced it's a God thing, because the only way I'll be able to pull it off is through some intensive prayer. 1050 calories is taxing mentally. I think I've got about a month [before dress alterations need to be finalized and I need to be where I'm going to be size-wise].

So here's the plan:

One day at a time
Plan out my meals for each day
Record intake on this blog
Prayer time each day - making sure my focus is not primarily on me
1-2 hours of exercise 6 days a week
1 day of fasting a week [tentative]
Aim for being there by mid-April

I haven't decided whether to start tomorrow morning or Saturday. I'll let you know.

Thanks, by the way, for reading this. It means a lot to me.

27 Dresses [that don't fit yet]

I didn't lose yesterday. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose. It's alright. The cheesecake was worth it.

The part that sucks is that when I lost all that weight I went out and bought some new clothes because my old clothes didn't fit anymore.

Now it's the opposite. I did take a fantasticly difficult step class, though. Good stuff.

Here's where I weigh in [got to make this short so I can get to work].

cheerios 200
coffee 100
cookie 100
orange 50
sandwich, chips and green peppers with hummus 300
half a cookie 50
taco 400
short non-fat mocha 100
chocolate-covered oreo 150
half a chocolate-covered fortune cookie 50
cheesecake 350

total 1850

Wow. Praise God I didn't gain. I hadn't realized how much I ate. Ooh, and Valerie and I went to a private showing of 27 Dresses [The absolute best movie when you are planning a wedding!]. That's where some of the snacks came from.

Happy Friday.

A New Day Seven

Yet another Editor's Note: Written January 10th 2008.

I gained weight on Tuesday. And then again on Wednesday.

It was so depressing because I was trying so hard. And I know this time is crucial. If spring semester is anything like fall semester I am not going to have time to hit the gym everyday. On the plus side, I am taking a a volleyball class 2 days a week [yay!] and that's nothing to sneeze at.

Oh the stresses of planning a wedding [who am I kidding - I love it]. It's hard, but I love the hard stuff. But, sigh, we've only just begun. And there's so much work to do. I am officially a busy beaver [where did that expression come from?] and so let's get down to business [and by business I mean intake].

First off, I had a Niagra amount of water [if that's not a phrase it should be]. Too much to calculate. But it worked. I was down from 141ish to 138.8 this morning [jig for joy].

I started the day off with hot lemon water which helps to clean out your [er, my] system. I like the taste of it. But there's a possibility that it's aquired.

French Vanilla Yogurt 170
Fajita Wrap 300
Coffee [x 2.5] 250
Cookie Dough 200
Actual Cookie 100
Scrambled Eggs 100
Hashbrowns 100
Sausage 160
Red Wine 100

Total 1480

I might be forgetting something. Ohs well.

To get some exercise I went running with Sadie. We happened to run past a playground and she was too tired to run anymore [not too tired to play] so I ran around the playground 52 times. Good times.

To all the berries I have loved

Postdated Octoberish 2007

I had a fantastic story that I could not wait to blog yesterday.

We went to pick raspberries; my daughter, myself, and a sweet young girl I look after named Bethany [chees'n here with her sister]. We got to the field and geared up to produce cartons full of sweet berries and fingers stained red and numb from the tiny thorns.

You must understand, I love picking berries. It is one of my most favorite things. Cue examples:

I used to pick them as a child near the creek by my grandma's house. I'd spend hours down there [and usually come home with an empty container because they tasted too good to gather].

When I was ten we moved to this huge house in a tiny town in Virginia. One of the perks was the large tame blackberry bushes growing not 20 feet from the door. It produced the biggest, sweetest berries I have to this day ever tasted [except for the ones I buy at Sam's Club, randomly] and was completely thorn free.

Every summer my mom and dad and I would drive to the Omish village where we were immersed in endless fields of strawberries.

While pregnant with my daughter I lived with her father's mother for a short time. I used to walk to the woods near the house and before long I would stumble upon lots of luscious [you don't want to know how long it took me to remember how to spell that - lushess? lushious? lussus?] berries. Yes, at one point in my life i was a wood-wandering, berry-picking teenage mom. Random, right?

And the surrounding forests of every place I've ever called home has been thoroughly examined for wild berries.

For years I had this fantasy that someday my whole family would create a fabulous tradition of gathering berries, complete with mason jars and scrumptious jam.

Alas [and a deep sigh].

I will probably [and most definitely hopefully] marry my current boyfriend, Jermaine. And though I love him something terrible; he calls me country and claims to want no part of the berry picking fun. So I am forced to cultivate my love of berry picking in my little one all by myself. But, that's not so bad, mother/daughter bonding never is.

So, yesterday we went to Butler's Orchard, and the entire outing was delicious. Even, it turns out, this next part coming up.

I hate bees. With a passion. You could probably replace the word "hate" with "am irrationally afraid of." I wouldn't say it's a phobia, but I'd probably be wrong.

We entered the field and began to fill our baskets. Suddenly, I became very aware that we were not alone. I've heard it said that bumblebees don't sting you. I don't buy it.

But, I'm supposed to be the adult, right? I can't go around whimpering, frozen in fear. What sort of example would that set? I must be brave! I must push past this anxiety and focus on the berries. After all, I reasoned with myself, they were worth it [the berries, I mean, but the kids are worth it, too].

I've also made it a point to not show irrational fear in front of my daughter whenever possible. It's a good rule of thumb.

We're going along and it's going well. It seems my love for this particular fruit is stronger than my fear of horrible stinging insects. Then, Sadie, my daughter, let out a gasp. I looked over as she bravely and stupidly swatted a bee away.

"Don't make sudden movements like that. " I said, "Just ignore them and they won't bother you."

"What does "ignore" mean?" She wanted to know.

"It means to pretend they aren't there." Chimed Bethany. "And, I have to be extra careful. Because if I get stung I have to go to the hospital."

"You're allergic?" I asked.

"Yep," she answered.

Everytime I have ever disclosed to anyone my fear they have inevitably asked me, "Oh, you're allergic?" No, I always reply, but getting stung hurts. Is that not enough?

But, now, seeing this brave little girl, I realize that no, it's not enough. I am inspired. And a little scared for her. But if she can stand in this field and not be terrified, good grief, so can I.

Afterwards, while driving home, I praised her for her braveness and explained that she'd helped me to get over my fear. She began to laugh.

"What is it that is so funny?" I asked.

"I've just never seen a grownup scared of bees." She giggled. Sadie joined her and the backseat lit up with a flurry of laughter.

What do you say to that? Out of the mouths of babes . . .

And then, later, her mom told me that she'd lied. She had not, in fact, ever been stung. She had to call me and apologize for lying.

[Oh, I've been there. I stole my friend Amy's NKOTB watch in 4th grade.I told my mom Amy gave it to me, but she knew better. She made me call and tell the dreaded truth. I sobbed as loud as I could and tried to slur my words so Amy would think I took it home on accident. Wow, I was a bad kid.]

And so last night I was left feeling a bit silly. I didn't blog my story. I felt bad for having gotten the child in trouble and also as if I'd been tricked into a false sense of braveness.

But this morning I woke up and thought, hey, I'm still not afraid of bees. I'm so glad Bethany lied to me.

This has not been much of a blog about my endeavor to lose the last ten pounds. I could have blogged of how I walked to school yesterday. And that I biked to Jermaine's house, which proved to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. How by doing those things I'm saving gas, and a trip to the gym and helping the environment. I could have also wrote out my daily intake, which I used to do every blog and probably wils still do from time to time. Yesterday it included a caramel apple, a Mexican pizza [that was delicious! [that I created myself!], a barbecue chicken pizza and a great deal of water [so please let go of the notion that I am starving myself].

I could have written of all of these things, but instead, I'd like to dedicate this blog to all the sweet juicy berries in my life. Well, and the special little girls.

Tired Tuna

Everything is spiritual. My cellulite is spiritual. Toilet paper is spiritual. The fact that I am a horrible typist who is struggling to repeatedly type the word "spiritual" is spiritual. Your kid's bath toys are spiritual. Consumerism is spiritual. Horseradish is spiritual. Where the heck am I going with this?

Food is spiritual. The earth is spiritual. I was listening to a sermon from a church called Mars Hill in Michigan. Rob Bell, the pastor, told this fabulous story about tuna. Did you know some of the best tuna in the world for sushi comes in right off the east coast of the United States, in Massachusetts? Once it is caught, it's driven to JFK airport in NYC. Next, it is flown to Toyko, to the best fish market in the world. Brokers from restaurants all over the world come to shop at this market. It will be bought, driven to an airport, where it will then fly back to JFK and be shipped to a restaurant in Manhattan and sold under the label "fresh tuna."

Next slide [if you go to Mars Hill, you understand this reference; I don't because I can't see the blooming slide through my computer, but he says it a lot and I think it's poignant and clever].

You need tomatoes, or green peppers or [insert vegetable of choice] in January. Do you:

A) Sigh a long sad sigh and restlessly await summer's return.
B) Fly to Brazil and pick up a couple.
C) Drive to the supermarket, buy what you need, drive back home, make yourself a salad and not think twice about where in the world Food Lion got tomatoes in the middle of winter.

Personally I fly to Brazil because that's just how I roll. But I'm going to guess that a lot of people chose C.

And just how does this questionnaire relate to The Last Ten Pounds? Well, since this is my cyber voice I want to use it to do more than just slim down. I've been thinking a lot about where food comes from. Were the people who worked the fields that produced those vegetable paid a fair wage? How far did the food have to travel? What was the cost of fuel to transport it?

If everything is spiritual then that means this blog can either help bring me closer to my Creator or push me towards vanity.

But, I can't rant about this subject on some High Horse of Gardening, because it hadn't even entered my mind until several weeks ago.

Sure, I recycle. I use those cool new light bulbs [and really I can't for the life of me understand why anyone wouldn't want to [they last for five freaking years [I've heard naysayers claim thir light is "unflattering" [and they take a second to turn on [what? [maybe I just look good in any light, but honestly, I see no difference [and did I mention they last for five freaking years?]]]]]]]. But I never gave food a second thought. Aside from the fact that I believe eating out might be my love language [yeah, I know, that's another blog [and maybe also a trip to my therapist]].

But if God is green, and I think He is, then He cares about this stuff. Just like He cares when I devour a whole cheesecake [gluttony, what?].

So, I am going to make it a point to figure out where at least some of my food is coming from. It's a process. I'm not going vegan tomorrow or anything [praise God, don't know what I'd do without licorice]. If that means I do some research on growing some of my own grub, so be it [and if anyone wants to pitch in and buy me an earthbox, sweet]. If that means I spend some time and money at the farmer's market, super.

Whatever it takes! Whatever it costs! No matter the distance! I'm in.

As long as it doesn't add up to more than 1050 calories.

And so, we meet again.

These pictures were taken last August, right before an intense fall semester. By December, I'd gained 10 pounds back. As of now, I have lost 7 of those. This post is all about revamping and revving up my exercise and food regimen.

Editor's Note: This was written in 2007's November Rain under the blog title, "The Last Ten Pounds."


I know I need this more than you, but, please, just humor me.

I started this whole charade at 148lbs on May 23rd of this year. I said I'm gonna blog til I'm skinny. And that's just what I've done. More or less. Less being more. Whatever that means.

Anyhow, the point is I did it, well, almost. I've come so bloody close. I can't not finish it now. Yes, the shorts fit [although, I have to say, there is mom cellulite that may never go away]. But, I am not at my fittest. Not yet.

And it may really be the last 17lbs. Or, the last 5. Because, like I said before, I'm not really sure where my fittest is. But it's like your wedding dress. When you find it, you know.

So here is where I weigh in. Feel free to judge, applaud, condemn and the like.

I am stuck somewhere between 132-134lbs. It fluctuates.

My measurements are: 34-31.5-37.5

I'm 5'3" and a 1/2 and "they" say your waist should be half of your height. So actually, I'm sorta there. But, it's the home stretch. I know I could still stand to lose some flab. Not a lot of flab, but some. And, I don't want to be stick thin, I want to be strong and healthy.

In all of this I don't want to get stuck on myself. And if I'm honest I have to say I struggle with vanity and self-centeredness daily. I'd like this to be bigger than me. Right now, I'm studying to be a fitness instructor. Hopefully soon I'll teach other women to feel strong and beautiful. For a long time I thought I could never do it. Now I want to teach others that they really can.

Okay, enough of that crap. Let's get down to business. Here is the regimen:

1050 calories a day. If you didn't read my earlier blog than you probably think I'm crazy. And, if you did you still might. But there's a method behind the madness: The Biggest Loser Book said so. So there. And if it's on television, you know you can trust it, right? 400 cal. of fruits and veggies, 300 cal. of grains, 200 in dairy, and 150 extra - to be spent at my leisure [probably on coffee].

80 ounces of water a day. ish. 16 ounces will be hot lemon water.

And then, I'm going to try to work out for at least an hour 5 to 6 days a week.

That's pretty much it. Please note, once I get there, I'll go back to eating like a normal human being. The party starts on monday. I'll be posting here and on myspace, so choose your blog of choice.

And now, it's time for another chocolate chip cookie. Good night.