Reaching Out for Help

I was hoping that the next time I blogged, I would have good news to share. Instead, it seems, I am asking for more help.

The following is an email I wrote to a friend this morning asking for advice and explaining our sticky financial situation. I have decided to share it on my blog (and in a facebook note).

Jermaine and I have been going through some financial trauma recently. We thought it might be good to ask a guru for advice. Here's the short version:


We have been living on Unemployment (and school loans that are now used up) and living with some amazing friends. We've been making it, miraculously. And we were told that unemployment would last until September - so we felt I had until then to secure a job.


I've also been trying to raise money for my trip to India this August. And getting a little frantic, because I still have to raise all of the money for my plane ticket (roughly $1600 if I can buy it in the next week - before prices go up).


We have been hoping that I could get a job in the very near future. Some friends of ours are subletting a very affordable house in Silver Spring. It would be good for us for many many different reasons - a couple examples: putting Sadie back in Montgomery County Public Schools, allowing us to live with our dog again (who has been staying with Jermaine's parents because our housemate is very allergic), and moving us very close to my seminary and the DC area (where at least one of us is bound to find work).


However, the bottom dropped out of Unemployment this week. Some bill didn't pass in Congress - leaving us (and probably a lot of other people) completely sans an income.


Additionally, our bank did some shady stuff yesterday, moving withdrawals and deposits around so they could charge us $175 in Overdraft fees. We have bills due and no way to pay them.


I had a very substantial job lead yesterday that didn't pan out. I was desperately clinging to the hope that with everything else going so badly awry, this job opp was bound to come through. Alas, it didn't. And the emotional stress of dealing with all that is happening has left me feeling a little crazy.


Last of all, I'm worried about India. I don't have the luxury anymore of turning down a job that won't let me go. I still need to raise money, but I don't know if that even makes sense now (if I didn't go, I would pay back all of the people who donated money for my trip and let Made By Survivors keep the money I have given them).


I have been thinking about attempting to find a loan for about $5000. I think that will take care of all of our immediate needs and wants (paying the bills, India, first month's rent of the new place). It is the amount that Jermaine was supposed to have left in Unemployment. But I don't know if a bank would lend that kind of money to folks who are unemployed. And I don't know if the ultimate goal is to take care of all of our needs and wants.


This is all particularly frustrating because I actually have a few potential job leads - and in all likelihood will probably have a job really soon. It's so close but so far away.


Also (I'm not sure where to add this to the email, so I'll just stick it here), Jermaine was planning to return to school in the fall. He has two years to go. So, the plan was - I can get a full time job and we can make it with my income and his school loans (the reverse of what we did while I was in school). Once he's out, he'll be able to get a much better job (he's been frustratingly spinning his wheels and not getting anywhere in this job market). We figured, since I just graduated, I had a much better chance to get a job right now.


Thanks for reading this! Ha, aren't you glad I gave you the short version? ;) Any advice you can offer would be warmly welcomed.


That's basically the gist of our current situation. One of the most frustrating things about the whole Unemployment thing is that originally they told us it would end in June - and we developed a plan for what to do when it ran out. But then they called and told us that because of some new bill in Congress, we now had until September. Either would have been fine if we had had some advance notification!!

I'm writing this mostly because I don't know what else to do. I feel that we're being pulled in all these directions - I don't know which way to go! I feel the urge to just go out and get ANY job that will hire me. But even if we just had a little bit of a cushion, that route wouldn't make sense. Oy.

Well, here it is. If you're new to reading my blog then you just discovered what my friends and family know all too well. I have a definite knack for sharing way too much.

I'm tired. I feel like I've been in crisis mode for 10+ years. I finished college so I could move past all that! And I have a feeling that it won't always be this way. But it's hard to really see that at this very moment.

I guess the point of this blog is to ask for help. A job. Information on a reputable loan. Non-cliche advice. All of that's welcome. Thank you for letting me share.

Caffeine Free

Oh man.

This had better be good [I keep telling myself]. It's been far too long.

I've been wanting to write, but situations and circumstances have not allowed for such a luxury. It makes me sad. But, that's okay. Here I am.

I'm tired. I gave up caffeine. Yikes. One week today, actually. The first day was the worst. I spent the entire day crying or in bed or both. I'm embarrassed to say that we had company for part of the day. I'm sure it wasn't as bad as how I remember it in my head, but I'm still pretty mortified. The worst part was that I had no idea I was that addicted. Admittedly, I did potentially make it worse on myself. I didn't sleep much at all the week prior and then the day before I stayed good and caffeinated. I thought I was giving myself one last good go-round. But, instead I sabotaged my sanity and really tried the patience of my devoted and loving husband [my, he's a good good guy].

Presently, I am worn out. But drinking coffee now would [just about] make last weekend's hell futile.

So, I'll settle for root beer and decaf herbal tea. And I'll thank God for the prayers of good friends, without which, I know I would have never made it this far.

--------

That's not the only thing I gave up this past week. But, this next thing is a fast, and so I suppose I am not supposed to share. But, if you dive back into the depths of my blog, you'll find that this isn't the first time I've attempted it. And though I haven't kept you updated on the status of this particular venture, I am now about the reveal how miserably I've failed thus far.

And so, in announcing this fast, I am, in addition, announcing one of my supreme weaknesses. And I think that is what makes the first announcement acceptable and somewhat necessary.

Yeah, so. Now would be a good time to stop rambling about and actually divulge what it is.

I'm giving up [again] spending money on non-essentials [for a spell].

And before I go any further, I must must must refer to my friend Amie's incredibly inspiring comment regarding her adventures in this particular art:

YOU MUST MAKE A LIST OF NECESSITIES AND NON-NECESSITIES! Otherwise you will always cheat yourself and your bank account.

Here is mine.

I cannot buy:
Clothes
Books : (
CDs
Shoes
Housewares
Make up
Jewelry

I can buy:
Food
Presents
Lingerie (blush)

Anything not on those lists I pray about if I think about buying it. And if I need further help deciding I call Daniel. Also, if I am having a moment of weakness and am about to buy something I shouldn't I call D and he talks me into putting it down and walking out of the store. Actually, it hasn't come to that quite yet.

Another helpful hint is this:
DO NOT GO TO TARGET.
I repeat:
DO NOT GO TO TARGET.

They are good at what they do. They sell really cute stuff. Just stay away. Stay at home. Write a letter. Go for a walk. Do anything other than go into that store.

I have just been inspired to create my own lists. Here goes:


I cannot buy:

books
clothes
shoes
food from a restaurant
drinks from a restaurant
housewares
jewelry


I can buy:

The Divine Hours
Makeup [on an as needed basis]
craft materials to make gifts [preferred]
store-bought gifts

She has this wonderful comment where she says that when she has a weak moment she calls her husband and he talks her out of buying the item in question. I felt so comforted, I can do that, I thought. Then I read further to where she explains that it hadn't come to that yet. Blah.

Sigh. Well, I still can do that. And I probably will have to. Because shopping [and, more specifically, eating out] is an addiction for me. It's a pacifier. But, it makes me sick to my stomach because it pretty much goes against everything I claim to be about. And I know it. Deep down in the tender spots of my soul I know that I can't be crucified with Christ and simultaneously buy anything my little heart desires.

And if that wasn't motivation enough, I just found out that my mom works overtime to help us pay our bills. It was jaw-dropping and gut-wrenching to discover her generous sacrifice.

And it hurt.

It hurts when you see how your various addictions affect others.

But it's motivation, too. Because if I'm really about dying to myself and letting Christ live in me, then, golly, this has got to have something to do with what that's all about.

The Good, the Bad and the Essentials

I don't know where to start. I'm trying to write more often so that I'm not so all over the place. But, let's be honest, my every day is all over the place.

Hmmmm. Let's see. Oooh - well, I cut Sadie's hair all by myself! I think it turned out pretty well, considering I'd never done that before. If you look closely you can tell it's an amateur kind of deal, but she loves it, so whateve.

She was nervous! And I was snapping at her to stay still because I was so afraid it would be lopsided. I apologized. She's very forgiving [and crazy fidgety!].

I cut her hair as a way of not spending money. The finances are stretched. And have been that way [at least for me] for a very very long time. And yet, you'd never know it the way I spend. It's something I've prayed about, repented and fallen back into time and time again.

Just recently I've had a change in heart. It was definitely a God thing. Spending money for no good reason suddenly just made no sense. And then shortly after I started to feel that way I had a wonderful conversation with Jermaine in which he said he kind of liked the idea of "roughing it".

It's funny. I've working diligently on the other side of the mountain - job searching, trying to make money. I didn't put half as much time on the saving end.

So we made this deal - only neccesities. For a while. My friend Amie [who by the way, just starting reading my blog and wrote a very flattering comment that gave me a great deal of joy!] actually has been doing this for a couple months. And my friend Jess [who is always leaving wonderfully sweet comments] just started doing it, too. Wow. We're very in fashion.

But I didn't realize it was the same thing [the pact between Jermaine and myself and my friends' pledge to buy only the essentials] until now. I thought we were just roughing it. It sounds so much cooler that way.

So anyways, this is what we're working with and this is how we're working it. Now, I must admit, this is only day 2. I'll keep you informed.

But . . .

. . . unbelievably, the same day we decided this I got a phone call from my temp agency offering me a five week gig. I took it, even though I had a plane ticket to LA with my in-laws for next week that I would have to give up.

Boo, I thought. Then, today I found out that they were going to let me go to California [and make up my hours]! Bru-ha-ha! Yay God!

And, when I got home I had an email from an potential employer wanting to set up an interview! This is the only interview I've received from the 60+ applications I sent out and it came the day after God changed my heart.

So.

I have a money-making temp job, saved $20 cutting my kid's hair, I get to go to Los Angeles, I have a job interview, and I got a notice today saying I'm in jeopardy of eviction because I haven't paid my rent.

Oh, shoot. I hadn't mentioned that part yet, had I? Crap.

Well, you know, the good with the bad? (:

Long story short [because this blog is becoming a long story] we are waiting on a check that was supposed to be here three weeks ago. It's for a graphics job Jermaine did before we got married. It's been extremely frustrating but we have good reason to believe that it will be here tomorrow. Will you pray for us?

Thanks! Yes, yes. I think that's it [for now].