The Essential Update

Do you ever blog about something and then step back and think, "Wow, that was definitely too much information."

I do. All the time.

For whatever reason, my soul just refuses to put clothes on.

I figured it was time for an update. No job yet. Lots of people have kindly suggested I let go of India (at least for now). I think I already had. I still might be able to go next year, tho! I'll keep you posted. And I'll be sending an official update email to all of the people who have donated to give them the option of a refund or putting it toward my future trip.

Things are looking up, however. Jermaine is strongly considering (gulp) joining the military. Craziness, right? But, I think for both of us, it feels like not only the best option - but a really good one to boot. It's exciting to think our life path is quite possibly getting ready to about face.

So there you have it. That's all for now. I'm still looking for a job. Don't know about the apartment stuff. Everyday is an adventure at the Walker Residence. ;)

Thanks for reading!

Reaching Out for Help

I was hoping that the next time I blogged, I would have good news to share. Instead, it seems, I am asking for more help.

The following is an email I wrote to a friend this morning asking for advice and explaining our sticky financial situation. I have decided to share it on my blog (and in a facebook note).

Jermaine and I have been going through some financial trauma recently. We thought it might be good to ask a guru for advice. Here's the short version:


We have been living on Unemployment (and school loans that are now used up) and living with some amazing friends. We've been making it, miraculously. And we were told that unemployment would last until September - so we felt I had until then to secure a job.


I've also been trying to raise money for my trip to India this August. And getting a little frantic, because I still have to raise all of the money for my plane ticket (roughly $1600 if I can buy it in the next week - before prices go up).


We have been hoping that I could get a job in the very near future. Some friends of ours are subletting a very affordable house in Silver Spring. It would be good for us for many many different reasons - a couple examples: putting Sadie back in Montgomery County Public Schools, allowing us to live with our dog again (who has been staying with Jermaine's parents because our housemate is very allergic), and moving us very close to my seminary and the DC area (where at least one of us is bound to find work).


However, the bottom dropped out of Unemployment this week. Some bill didn't pass in Congress - leaving us (and probably a lot of other people) completely sans an income.


Additionally, our bank did some shady stuff yesterday, moving withdrawals and deposits around so they could charge us $175 in Overdraft fees. We have bills due and no way to pay them.


I had a very substantial job lead yesterday that didn't pan out. I was desperately clinging to the hope that with everything else going so badly awry, this job opp was bound to come through. Alas, it didn't. And the emotional stress of dealing with all that is happening has left me feeling a little crazy.


Last of all, I'm worried about India. I don't have the luxury anymore of turning down a job that won't let me go. I still need to raise money, but I don't know if that even makes sense now (if I didn't go, I would pay back all of the people who donated money for my trip and let Made By Survivors keep the money I have given them).


I have been thinking about attempting to find a loan for about $5000. I think that will take care of all of our immediate needs and wants (paying the bills, India, first month's rent of the new place). It is the amount that Jermaine was supposed to have left in Unemployment. But I don't know if a bank would lend that kind of money to folks who are unemployed. And I don't know if the ultimate goal is to take care of all of our needs and wants.


This is all particularly frustrating because I actually have a few potential job leads - and in all likelihood will probably have a job really soon. It's so close but so far away.


Also (I'm not sure where to add this to the email, so I'll just stick it here), Jermaine was planning to return to school in the fall. He has two years to go. So, the plan was - I can get a full time job and we can make it with my income and his school loans (the reverse of what we did while I was in school). Once he's out, he'll be able to get a much better job (he's been frustratingly spinning his wheels and not getting anywhere in this job market). We figured, since I just graduated, I had a much better chance to get a job right now.


Thanks for reading this! Ha, aren't you glad I gave you the short version? ;) Any advice you can offer would be warmly welcomed.


That's basically the gist of our current situation. One of the most frustrating things about the whole Unemployment thing is that originally they told us it would end in June - and we developed a plan for what to do when it ran out. But then they called and told us that because of some new bill in Congress, we now had until September. Either would have been fine if we had had some advance notification!!

I'm writing this mostly because I don't know what else to do. I feel that we're being pulled in all these directions - I don't know which way to go! I feel the urge to just go out and get ANY job that will hire me. But even if we just had a little bit of a cushion, that route wouldn't make sense. Oy.

Well, here it is. If you're new to reading my blog then you just discovered what my friends and family know all too well. I have a definite knack for sharing way too much.

I'm tired. I feel like I've been in crisis mode for 10+ years. I finished college so I could move past all that! And I have a feeling that it won't always be this way. But it's hard to really see that at this very moment.

I guess the point of this blog is to ask for help. A job. Information on a reputable loan. Non-cliche advice. All of that's welcome. Thank you for letting me share.

Frustrated Musings

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. Jermaine helped me redesign! I think it looks pretty groovy (as well as fresh and clean). Let me know what you think and if everything is readable.

Okay. This is the part where I whine. I can only promise to keep it short.I've been really frustrated lately. I would like a job, please. It's all I can think about. Which actually is not all that helpful. Some good has come of my fretting, tho. I've worked out what I'm so tangled up about.

I've never had a "real" job (ie: a job that incorporates my true passions). I've been a housekeeper, a waitress, a salesperson, even a nurse's aide - and at times I have loved my various positions BUT I've never gotten paid to do something I love.

So, of course, that's why I went back to school. And while I was in school I worked out what it was that I love to do.I love (in no specific order): to write, to act, to perform, to teach (adults), to learn, to give, and to help (and love and laugh with) people who are going through difficult times. Those are my passions in a nutshell.

And now, here I am, with a degree in Sociology - excited, because now I am actually qualified to do the things I love, but frustrated because . . .

. . . because somewhere along the way I starting believing that no one would really pay me to do that stuff.It's not that I lost faith in myself - no - I'm pretty certain I could do it.

I've lost faith in God, I think. I'm not trusting him to finish what he started within me.

And that's really depressing.

That's it, I guess. There is no moral to this story yet because I'm still in the thick of it. I just wanted to share.Thank you for reading my blog.

PS. All is not lost, tho! Since one of my biggest problems is that I never take a break (yep, job hunting 24/7), I am very excited to report that I get to go to Hershey Park with my family tomorrow! That is SO my kind of fun! :)

Funny Quotes from the Second Grade Class Picnic

Sadie's class had their end of the year picnic today. Jermaine and I got to help out. We showed up late (shocking, I know) and immediately Sadie's teacher put us in charge of two different centers. Jermaine got Musical Chairs and I got Pictionary.

Whew. What an experience. Every time I hang around children I'm blown away at the things that come out of their mouth. I just had to share. :)

"Yeah, Sadie's pretty cool, but she rolls her eyes sometimes." - Octavia, age 8

"You're Sadie's mom and dad? Uhm, you're not the same color . . ." - Little boy, unknown name

"Sadie and Selah aren't friends anymore." - random child
"Why not?" - Jermaine
"Sadie kicked me!" - Selah
"It was an accident." - Sadie
"What happened?" - Me
"I got so mad at myself I kicked her." - Sadie

"I hate life!" - little boy after failing to guess playing Pictionary
"This isn't life, it's Pictionary." - Madison, age 8

"You! You never answer your phone! I've been calling and calling and calling - trying to talk to Sadie." - Aniss - the little boy who keeps blowing me up

Love Poem

Jermaine and I celebrated our two anniversary by going to Busboys and Poets Open Mic Night in Shirlington, VA tonight. When it was my turn, I surprised him with this poem:




I still remember the day we met

5 years ago

driving down the hot Georgia coast

in James-Michael's Jeep

I was smitten with you almost immediately and I tried very hard

not to let it show

Do you remember our first kiss in Union Station?

Do you remember all those nights you made me laugh so hard I cried? 

Do you remember when you told me that I had cute feet?

Do you remember meeting my daughter - whose now your daughter - in the driveway of my parent's house?

Do you remember walking along the beach. You picked up trash to impress me. And you did.

Do you remember all those long distance phone calls? Talking until dawn about everything and nothing.

Do you remember calling me up to say, "What would you say if I asked you to be my girlfriend?" I think I dropped the phone.

Do you remember me calling you to share that terrible news. You comforted me from 400 miles away while I sobbed into the receiver.

Do you remember our first 4th of July - meeting in the middle of Maryland and North Carolina  in some no name town? We ate the best pizza and shared a picnic by the lake. I wore that skirt you hate.

Do you remember all the trips - me to you and you to me and how eventually we knew we couldn't be that far apart.

Do you remember when I moved to Maryland and got a job selling floor tile just so we could be closer?

Do you remember your mom encouraging me to go back to college?

Do you remember that first semester - you stayed up with me all night to help me write that horrible 15 page paper.

Do you remember when we broke up - because moving here was so damn hard on me - and I took it out on you.

Do you remember falling in love again? The night we became more than friends - again? We vowed this time it would be different. And it was.

Do you remember getting down on one knee? The day you said to me, "What would you say if I asked you to be my wife?" 

Do you remember our wedding? What a fantastic party - realizing the sheer amazingness of our family and friends. Six year old Sadie stood up to make her speech - looked straight at you to share with everyone how she had been practicing loving her new dad.

Do you remember our honeymoon night? How awkward it was? I was so nervous I drank all the champagne.

Do you remember our first year of marriage? Man, that was hard! We moved in together, you became a dad, I started a new school and then you lost your job.

Do you remember how depressed I was?

Do you remember when I finally realized what you have known all along? That it's going to be okay? That truly all we need is love - and we've already got that.

Do you remember? I do. And man am I glad I fell in love with you.