Thursday, March 20, 2008

Impatient Perfection

I'm not entirely pleased with my creation thus far. It doesn't feel organic. I dove in so fast I missed a bit of quality control.

I'm stumped.

I don't love the name. I don't know if I can change it. I don't know if I should scrap the whole thing and begin again.

Jermaine and I are so different. He relishes starting from scratch [the process]. He's so attuned to the details, the inner-workings. Everything he touches [and finally finishes after hours and hours of labor] just sparkles.

That's not exactly how I operate.

I want to have something to show for myself. I want to look like I've been hard at work - slaving over my computer. But, I've got things to do, so could we just wrap it up already?

I think, "Let's get it all out and then I'll make it pretty later."

I mean, that's all well and good for this particular venture. Blogging is just for fun. But, I take myself so seriously. I demand perfection without first putting forth any magnificent effort.

And then I complain about the end product.

My hope for this blog is that it will chart my growth as a budding writer.*

I don't know exactly what I'm going for. I think my original lofty expectations that this little blog would magically blast me into fortune and fame [I'm kidding - sort of . . .] were a bit misguided.

I think when it comes down to it, I just want to write. I hope I get better [it has taken me 10 freaking minutes to figure out how to say those last two sentences and I'm not even completely satisfied].

Good night [I can never think of a suitable way to end].

"Sigh."

*This blog may or may not reflect the previously referenced growth.

5 comments:

Andrea said...

maybe if you posted more you'd have more perfection..hey i'm bored and your blogs ARE good and well written...love you

brandyglows said...

Thanks man. That means a lot. (:

Jessica said...

I think the fact you are posting at all is a sign of great writer-like commitment which I have never managed to pull from my deep inner being. I am trying desperately to begin my own blogging and it is not turning out well at all. I think that I over-think life in general and everything sounds silly. But whatever.

Also - it was SO lovely to see you over Easter and I can't even tell you how much our time together meant to me. I am so glad we have found this new friendship. :) And I miss you terribly - is that silly?
Oh! And I forgot to ask if you ever went to see Step Up2 (was that it?) to see if you were in it? Should I add it to my netflix queue?


I hope all the wedding planning is going well and that the church discussion we had is seeing new developments (I have been praying for you daily!). Can't wait to see you again...in June? Must it be that long?

Jessica said...

P.S. There is a documentary film called "God Grew Tired of Us" about the lost boys of Sudan. I think you would find it inspiring and heart-wrenching all at once. I thought of you as I watched it because the "boys" discuss Santa and are very confused as to where to find him in the Bible... ;-)

brandyglows said...

Jessica:

Your comment made my day! Ditto [on hanging out meaning so much to me, too]! And thank you for reading my blog. I have so much to say, too much for a comment I'm not sure that you will read anytime soon. (: I have had plans to myspace message you and I will very soon.

Thank you!

P.S. Do you know where I could find that documentary?